I was in Clearwater, Florida last week at a conference. Conferences at nice hotels on the beach mean the schedules get slightly skewed. Skewed means I inserted the following miniscule changes:
Session one, 8 am.
Session two, 9:30.
Skip session three and go to pool to act cool and then realize that you aren’t cool anymore so
Lunch at a seafood place.
Session four, shorten by thirty minutes and go to the beach.
Session five, act like you attended session three and knew everything about session four and didn’t need to stay for the last PowerPoint presented by the guy who dragged each word out like Ben Stein.
Usually at the end of this particular conference, I skip over to the Atlantic side and visit some friends and family. My wife flies down and we drive across the state. On the way, we stop at Universal in Orlando in order for her to visit Margaritaville and pay homage to Jimmy Buffett who is enjoying a nice life with the small fortune I’ve paid for concerts over the years.
The nice thing about going to Universal and/or Disney in late August and September is the lack of children. I love kids. I have them scattered around the globe but having raised four here at home, I’ve earned a seat at the table of people who give unwanted advice to those with young kids. I haven’t actively engaged in this yet other than to occasionally say to parents whose kids are acting up:
“It gets worse.”
Of course Disney was made for kids but once school starts up again, Disney is tailor made for people a bit older and who still wear fanny packs. Did you know that In September of each year, the fanny-pack per capita increases to 64 fanny packs per every 100 people?
Fanny packs come from all over the world in a variety of languages. People who wear fanny packs are called People Who Wear Fanny Packs” because calling them Fanny Packers is just wrong.
The fanny pack is worn in a number of different ways but obviously the goal is to have quick access to the contents. One’s pants or in this case Bermuda Shorts can only hold so much so the fanny pack serves to hold the wallet, keys, Ibuprofen, Metamucil, and cell phone. They come in a variety of sizes as well. Some are small and others are collapsible so that if needed, you can carry a small farm animal with you around the Magic Kingdom.
Regardless of your attire, be it trendsetting or that guy who wears the t-shirt that says “I’m with Stupid” with the arrow pointing down, highlighting his Bermuda’s pulled up so high his hands stick out of the pockets—that guy, the fact is, Disney without the kids is pretty cool. Also, you can find dozens of coupons for reduced prices which, in my case, were given out at session three.
Full price or not, a sunny day with a bunch of good ol’ fanny—well people who wear fanny packs ain’t too bad.
Steve Rose is a Forsyth County resident and Captain with Sandy Springs Police. His new book: " Why Do My Mystic Journeys Always Lead to the Waffle House?" is available now at email@example.com
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