I suppose it could be worse. She could be addicted to crack, or meth, or even worse, disco. The fact is however, the addiction is still destroying my life.
HGTV is slowly but surely starting to unravel the last bit of dignity that I am desperately trying to cling to. We sold the big house, bought the small fix-er-up-er and dove into the repair business. No problem.
If your marriage is anything but rock solid, taking on a house that needs--well, everything, is a sure path to divorce. No one has ever said "Honey, our marriage is in the toilet. Let's get it back on track by purchasing an old house and fixing it up" and survived it. Save yourself the trouble. Even if you manage to finish it without the word "homicide" being involved, you'll end up giving half of it away to the ex once you're done--if that day even comes.
I learned a lot. I learned that there are things I can do that I thought I couldn't and that I can't do other things and paying those people in that field to do those things is worth the money. I also learned that some of those people have the ethics of Charles Manson and from that, I learned to always do your homework. I want to know all about that guy doing work on my home although thinking back, I have to admit that fingerprinting the drywall guy might have been a tad too much.
All in all, the best lesson to learn is that all this won't happen quickly. It takes time and money to reach your goal. Be patient and be practical--which are two things not happening at my house right now.
I've hit the ripe old age of 60 this year. I've slowed some but still do the majority of heavy lifting at home. I know that having an ambulance stand by while I build a deck is odd but I still maintain that I can do it--and I did.
What I cannot do is compete with HGTV. If you watch it you know why folks like me, who take on such a project, hate it. Sure, they have great ideas and the endless parade of fix it, love it, list it, rehab it, provide an endless stream of what it was and what it is now perspectives. The best part is that it's all accomplished in twenty two minutes not counting commercials.
My wife watches HGTV with stars in her eyes as she notes every little detail of what we absolutely need in our home. She then provides a presentation complete with PowerPoint and handouts.
I decided "okay, let me watch." I did so. I saw all the wonderful things being done to this home. The host confidently walks throughout the home while I, the viewer, count the endless number of workers on site to get this done. Railroads have been built with fewer workers. There are three guys lifting the $6500 granite counter tops that match the $4700 dining room set. In the next room are the three guys who are installing the tile in the new stand up, sit down, turn around shower complete with custom tile benches, custom knobs and five custom shower heads that shoot water in all directions which, I'm thinking, may not always be a pleasant feeling. The tile of course matches the custom toilet that does everything including scolding you for missing the target and probably folds up into the wall to allow more space for the custom sink that looks like Art Deco from the 70's.
I can't even go into the kitchen part of the show because it just makes me cry.
So far, I figure I'll need twenty-seven crew members, two dumpsters, five acres of sod and Arabian Palm Trees not to mention a water fountain in the yard that I'll have to dig an illegal pumping system into Lake Lanier in order to run. This doesn't count the bus to haul them in.
Folks, I want a small home to live in and it appears that my wife wants Disney World. I can't invite my friends over without charging them a one-day pass to pay for all this stuff!
My message to you is this. If by chance your wife does not know what HGTV is, act now!! Tell her the channel is some sort of satanic porn (be careful to make sure she's not into that) and block the channel.
Meanwhile, I'll be trying to figure out how to fit the merry go round in the family room!
Blog has been viewed (2343) times.